Child of Divorce: How Childhood Divorce Shapes Adult Relationships and What Parents Can Do Differently
When parents divorce, they often focus on the immediate challenges—custody schedules, finances, legal decisions, and creating two separate households. But what many don’t realize is that the emotional experience of divorce can continue shaping a child’s life well into adulthood.
In Episode 105 of The Good Divorce Show, Karen McNenny sits down with Kate Liles, an adult child of divorce, to explore what it was like growing up between two homes and how those childhood experiences influenced her relationships, marriage, and personal growth.
Kate’s story is both deeply personal and universally relatable. More importantly, it offers practical lessons for parents who want to protect their children from unnecessary emotional harm during and after divorce.
The Hidden Effects of Growing Up Between Two Homes
For many children of divorce, life becomes a constant transition between households. While shared parenting can absolutely work, children often experience challenges that adults don’t immediately see.
Kate describes the emotional weight of always packing bags, remembering where favorite belongings were, and feeling like she belonged everywhere—and nowhere at the same time.
These seemingly small inconveniences can gradually affect a child’s sense of stability, security, and identity.
Children thrive on consistency. When parents work together to create predictable routines, communicate respectfully, and minimize unnecessary disruptions, they help children feel emotionally safe despite living in two homes.
How Divorce Can Influence Adult Relationships
One of the most powerful themes in this episode is how childhood experiences often become the blueprint for adult relationships.
Children learn about love, conflict, communication, and trust by watching their parents.
If divorce is filled with hostility, criticism, or emotional manipulation, children may grow into adults who struggle with:
- Trusting romantic partners
- Fear of abandonment
- Anxious or avoidant attachment styles
- Difficulty managing conflict
- Anxiety around commitment or marriage
The encouraging news is that these patterns are not permanent.
Through self-awareness, healthy relationships, and intentional healing, adult children of divorce can develop secure, fulfilling relationships.
The Lasting Power of Parents’ Words
One of the biggest takeaways from this conversation is the importance of how parents talk about one another after divorce.
Children naturally identify with both parents.
When one parent constantly criticizes or insults the other, children often internalize those messages as criticism of themselves.
Even casual negative remarks can leave lasting emotional scars.
Instead, Karen encourages parents to:
- Speak respectfully about the other parent whenever possible.
- Keep adult conflicts away from children.
- Allow children to love both parents without guilt.
- Never ask children to choose sides.
- Protect children from becoming messengers or emotional caregivers.
These simple choices create emotional safety and strengthen children’s resilience.
Why Healthy Boundaries Matter
Many children unintentionally become caught in adult problems after divorce.
They may feel responsible for comforting a parent, delivering messages, or managing household tensions.
This role reversal, known as parentification, places emotional burdens on children they were never meant to carry.
Children deserve the freedom to simply be children.
Parents who maintain healthy emotional boundaries allow their children to develop confidence, independence, and secure relationships without unnecessary guilt or responsibility.
Blended Families Require Patience and Stability
Kate also shares insights about navigating blended family relationships.
Introducing new partners, step-siblings, and changing family traditions can feel overwhelming for children.
Parents can ease these transitions by:
- Moving slowly with new relationships.
- Maintaining familiar routines.
- Encouraging respectful relationships rather than forcing closeness.
- Giving children permission to express difficult emotions.
- Remaining consistent and emotionally available.
Stability—not perfection—is what children remember most.
Healing Is Possible
Perhaps the most emotional moment in the episode comes when Kate recalls seeing her divorced parents embrace each other years after their separation.
It wasn’t about getting back together.
It was about witnessing kindness replace resentment.
That single moment communicated something words never could—that healing is possible.
Parents don’t need to have a perfect divorce to raise emotionally healthy children.
They simply need to remain committed to treating one another with dignity and keeping their children’s well-being at the center of every decision.
Key Takeaways for Parents
If you’re navigating divorce or co-parenting, remember these important principles:
- Your children are always listening—even when you think they aren’t.
- Respectful communication protects your child’s emotional health.
- Keep children out of adult conflicts.
- Create consistency across both households whenever possible.
- Encourage strong relationships with both parents.
- Healing is a lifelong journey, and positive changes matter at every stage.
Every small decision you make today helps shape how your children will experience relationships for decades to come.
Listen to Episode 105 of The Good Divorce Show
In this heartfelt conversation, Karen McNenny and Kate Liles discuss:
- Growing up as a child of divorce
- How divorce affects adult attachment and relationships
- Healthy co-parenting strategies
- Protecting children from conflict
- Building resilience after family change
- Hope, healing, and creating a healthier future for families
Whether you’re currently navigating divorce, supporting someone who is, or reflecting on your own childhood experiences, this episode offers valuable insight, compassion, and practical guidance.
Together, we can create more good divorces—and healthier futures for our children.
