Guest: Olivia Howell, CEO and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry, clinical hypnotherapist, certified divorce and life coach, podcast producer, and author of the forthcoming book Divorce Happens: A Compassionate Guide to Starting Fresh (Sheldon Press, 2027)
Theme: Growing up with divorce, raising children through it, and breaking the patterns we inherited
Episode summary
Olivia Howell comes from a lineage of divorce. Her grandmothers and her mother each rebuilt their lives after their marriages ended, going back to school and finding lasting love in the second half of life. Even with that family history, the moment Olivia realized her own marriage was over felt terrifying. In this first episode of a two-part conversation, Olivia shares the quiet moment of knowing, the question from her therapist that changed everything (“Aren’t you already a single mom?”), and the day in 2019 when her marriage ended. She was left raising two small boys through a divorce that played out during quarantine.
The heart of the conversation is what Olivia learned as a ten-year-old whose parents divorced in 1995, when no one taught parents what to say or how to protect their kids. She speaks openly about being parentified as the oldest child, feeling abandoned as her father started dating, and becoming “the villain” in the family story. She and Karen then turn those lessons into guidance for today’s parents: keep children out of adult emotions, protect their relationship with their other parent, and slow down before introducing a new partner. Olivia also explains why she co-founded Fresh Starts Registry. She had every kind of support and still felt deep shame and isolation, and she wanted no one to have to rebuild alone.
We cover
- The moment Olivia knew her marriage was over, and why so many of us know long before we say it out loud
- A therapist’s reframe that shifted Olivia’s biggest fear about becoming a single mom
- Growing up as a child and grandchild of divorce, and seeing divorce as “a second half of your life”
- What parentification is, how it happened to Olivia, and how she works to prevent it with her own sons
- Why kids need to hear “this has nothing to do with you,” and why it is not their job to hold a parent’s emotions
- Using a family therapist who knows the whole family unit
- Her mother’s advice about speaking of the other parent: “your boys are half of him”
- How a parent’s dating choices land on children, told from the child’s side
- Karen’s guideline for new partner introductions: exclusive for at least six months, then a casual first meeting at the park
- Why the adults who show up for you during divorce may surprise you
- The shame and isolation of divorce, even with strong support, and how that led to Fresh Starts Registry
- Free resources at Fresh Starts: one-on-one Zoom calls, monthly workshops, an expert directory, Divorce Guide magazine, and registry bundles for children’s rooms
- Why a child’s bedroom in a second home matters: kids should feel at home, not like guests
Highlights & takeaways
- “I want you to remember that your boys are half of him and they will internalize anything you say about him as them.” (Olivia, sharing her mother’s advice)
- “It is a gift to your children because they didn’t divorce their dad. You did.” (Karen)
- “You have to take time to heal ’cause your kids notice when you’re not healed.” (Olivia)
- “You do not have to do divorce by default. You can design your journey.” (Karen)
- “You’re not just dating for yourself at this point. You are dating for the family.” (Karen)
- Practical takeaway: Before introducing a new partner, Karen recommends an exclusive relationship of at least six months, followed by a low-pressure first meeting, such as time at the park rather than a sit-down dinner.
Content note
This episode includes discussion of parentification and childhood emotional neglect during a parent’s divorce, a reference to an emotionally abusive marriage and gaslighting, a brief mention of a serious childhood heart condition, parental abandonment, grief over strained family relationships, and occasional strong language.
Resources mentioned
- Fresh Starts Registry: A divorce and life-transition registry and expert network. It offers free registries, a directory of vetted professionals, free workshops, and free one-on-one consults with Olivia. freshstartsregistry.com
- Fresh Starts registry bundles and “registry fairies”: Pre-vetted item bundles, including children’s bedroom bundles, which community members can gift
- Divorce Guide magazine: A free divorce education magazine from Fresh Starts
- Divorce Happens podcast: Produced by Olivia Howell
- Divorce Happens: A Compassionate Guide to Starting Fresh by Olivia Howell (Sheldon Press, forthcoming 2027)
- Olivia Howell: olivia@freshstartsregistry.com | Instagram: [@oliviahowell: verify]
- Part 2 of this series: Karen’s conversation with Jenny (Genevieve) Dreizen, COO and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry [add link]
- The Good Divorce: How to End Your Marriage Without Ending Your Family by Karen McNenny
Connect
If this conversation helped you, please follow The Good Divorce Show, leave a rating and review, and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. You can find more from Karen McNenny at karenmcnenny.com and on Instagram at @karenmcnenny.
Everything will be okay in the end. And if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
Additional support
If you are experiencing emotional or physical abuse in a relationship (US): The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers confidential support 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or thehotline.org.
Family therapy: Olivia describes a therapist who knows the whole family and sees them in different combinations. Ask local providers whether they offer this kind of support for children and parents going through divorce.
Free divorce resource calls and workshops: Available through Fresh Starts Registry
Divorce coaching with Karen McNenny: karenmcnenny.com
